Slow Motion

Well, once again I'm sitting here with something more to write.

I'm spending some time on my own, "T" is out, and now the real struggle begins. now I must straighten out my feelings, quit thinking " what if" or "maybe if", "I should've".. those thoughts are really of no use, at least not now. I simply can't go back, I don't want to. I finally found someone who cares for me, it's not that I think you didn't, it's only that "T" cares almost all the time for me and most of all... I notice it. I don't even have to try, it's just so easy to see, to feel, to know.

Anyway, I can't help writing about you and him. Time must pass to heal my heart, and I can't close the door to "T" 'cause I love him too. It's a new love and hope, even though we have problems... maybe some because of my feelings for you... and other because of different matters.
Don't ever doubt I loved you with all my heart and soul... It's just that now I must go on or at least try.

I received an e-mail where clues are given to try and figure out who really loves you, or who is your true love...

17 points or at least most of them must me accomplished... I'll write them down:

1. That person calls you at night or morning.
2. Cries in places you've been together
3. No matter what, still worries about you
4. Any song reminds him/her of you
5. Gives you his/her friendship even though you know how he or she really feels about you
6. Even if you make the most stupid thing, won't make fun of you... she/he will only laugh with you
7. If he/she calls you friend as easily as you call him/her enemy.
8. If he/she is the first one to come to defend you
9. Makes everything to have your attention
10. He/she tells you "i'm sorry" for those moments of promises unkept, or of not being there.
11. That person tries to hide "I love you" with a long conversation.
12. If that person tries to find you wherever you are just to talk with you.
13. Makes up any excuse just to hear your voice.
14. If that person is happy just to see you even if you're with someone else.
15. If he/she lets you go so you can be happy even if you know how much that hurts him/her.
16. No matter how, when or where, he/she will always wait for you.
17. No matter what he/she does, where she/he goes or thinks... he/she will never forget you.

And guess what, I almost cry again 'cause there is no point above that I didn't feel as mine, every single one of them is true. And I let you go, and no matter what, be sure I'll never forget you.

"Has no one told you she's not breathing"...

Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions

What a screwed way of listening... I have to admit I expected more from my couple. I came with my heart in my hands trying to share one of the most important things in my life and what did I receive instead? A closed minded commentary about it, you didn't even try to understand my feelings, how huge the step I'm going to take is. You just focused on what you felt about it, on what you wouldn't do, even though I know you would do it if the situation was now happening to you.

It's not fair, you know what he meant and means to me, or at least you have the slightest idea, and even though I understand your point of view, I'll never forget this. You shut the door up on me when I tried to share with you the most fragile and important thing for me and I'm sorry to say all this but... I won't share anything else with you. You made me take this path, you with your "not liberal" ideas, you with your fears and deaf ears... Sorry.

I know that in our heart I might've made a scar and that it will be present always, I had to give it a try and I can't describe how I'm feeling because this is a great failure for both of us...

My hope and faith is fading.

"'Cause you come swimming into view, and I'm hanging on your words like I always used to do"... " I felt you long after we were through".

Running

CALENDER
Originally uploaded by kaos 2.

Oh dear God... Help me, I'm desperate. I thought I was strong, thought I could handle the situation, that I would be ready... but now that the time has arrived, I realize I'm not. My heart aches with every day that goes by. I don't know if I'll stand this, don't know what I'll do when I see my beloved one again. Time doesn't seem to pass when I know about you and all of a sudden, I have to return to my reality, the one in which you aren't with me, the one I chose, the one I'm not sure will last.

"don't make me want to give up..."

Why did you have to push me out of your life?

Fall to pieces...

Well... now I'm 21. Who would've thought I'd actually make it this far. My birthday was great, my friends here celebrated with me and it was incredible. I had almost everyone I wanted near me with me. I recieved msgs and calls from those who were far away... but you, the one I cared for so long, didn't seem to care.

I can't believe this still hurts so much. In one hand I have what I've always wanted, what I thought I could have with you, with someone else; and in the other hand I can't totally enjoy it 'cause you're still "painted on my heart". Why must life be this way? Why is it so hard to keep you out of my mind? Why must every single place remind me of you? Why must I act as if it wasn't this way? Why can't I stop loving you? Don't get me wrong, I do love my couple.. and very much, but that love is barely growing, and our good-bye is still so recent.

21 years old and my soul feels so worn out.